When a blended family comes together, should both parents share authority equally? If not, who should, and what are the limitations?
A blended family consists of multiple variations of family members living together (such as step-parents and half-siblings). Blended families have many issues, some of which include biological parent/child siding, "unfair" disciplining, step-parent/child communication problems, differences in showing affection, and situations involving an outside biological parent. All of these concerns can either be magnified or reduced depending upon the actions taken by the parents of the family.
At this point, there is no such thing as a parental prenuptial agreement. If people can protect their assets, why not protect their children’s well-being? The agreement should consist of the boundaries for authoritative conditions that both parents agree on. If the mutual agreement is broken, consequences will be administered. Parenting/Abuse classes will be assigned depending on the conflict.
Our Responses:
Karli and Brittney J: When you get married, you are agreeing to take care of your spouse through sickness and in health. You are not just marrying your spouse; you are also marrying the family. In taking this vow, both parents should be able to sign the parental prenuptial agreement and have full authority and responsibilty over the children.
Summer and Brittney T: We believe that the agreement should be mutual. However, conditions should be made depending upon age and history of non-compliance. There is a underlying difference between biological and step children that should not be able to be seen. Parents should treat all of their kids with equal affection.
We all are willing to sign the parental agreement as long as both parties are agreed on all factors. Agreements would be made based on the ages of the children as well as consideration for the outside parent envolved.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/step-parenting-problems-sharing-authority.html
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ReplyDeleteI didn't grow up in a blended family, but my father did. He was adopted by his step-father who raised him as his own. I suppose adoption would be an alternative to the unusual idea of a prenuptial agreement, since the parent becomes formally legalized as such. However, the agreement (and correct me if I'm wrong here) would establish rules and conditions the "blended" parent(s) would have to follow, right?
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ReplyDeleteI totally agreed with Ms. Jennings, the agreement is a mutual arrangement that should be accepted by all two parties. I did grow up in a blended family, even my father spent most of his time in United States, but they did get married. So, I know a little bit how beneficial it is for children when their parents established ultimate conditions before getting married. Frankly, I am willing to sign a parental prenuptial agreement whether their marriage based upon rules and conditions to take care of their children and the whole family.
ReplyDeleteThey are good to go!
First, I think pre-nupital anything is stupid. A marriage is supposed to be a long term thing, for life. Signing a pre-nupital anything is saying that you may or may not be ready to spead the rest of your life with this person and in that respect maybe you're not ready to be married. Now coming from a broken home I know how it is to have steps and half siblings. I love my little sister and see nothing different from her than my whole sister. I think that the parents should have equal thoughts about the children. I think that they need to think of whats best for the child and not be selfish thinking only of wanting the child all to themself or wanting to be the favorite parent. They should agree with how to raise the child and play nice for the sake of the child. So I don't think a parental prenupital agree is right. I think the parents should plan to stay together, because that's what marriage is supposed to be. If they do split up then they need to grow up and not be selfish, put the child first, and think of what is best for him/her.
ReplyDeleteto what Ms. Jennings said...
ReplyDeleteAdoption is def. a great idea and in a case where the other biological parent was not present it would be the right thing to do.However within blended families there should be boundaries and there should also be an agreement between both the step parent and the biological parent.Today it is not uncommon to see a blended family or even be a part of one. I come from a blended family and it worked out great for us but not in all cases does it happen that way.
I grew up in a broken home with my mother and now live with my father, step-mother, and step-sisters. My opinion on this topic is, parents should be ready to have children and not even have to think about having a pre-nup for their belongings or even their children! If your not ADULT enough to have children and take care of them and bring them in a good surroundings, you should NOT have kids. It is selfish of people to have children and not think about their feelings if something did happen to the parents relationship. In the end, the kids are the one's to suffer, not the adults.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you can make parental love a contractual issue. It is different in business because you are talking about money not emotions. Even in business a contract is only as good as the person's intentions, character, and honesty. A contract does not necessarily mean you will get paid for the agreed upon amount of the contract, because the contract tends to change because of unforeseeable situations and extenuating circumstances. I think parents should strive to treat all the children in their care fairly. I don't think it is possible to treat children the "same". Different children have differing needs that might require varying amounts of time and attention. I don't think that adoption can be the answer in all cases. If you had two parents, both with two children, both parents would have to adopt the spouse's children. Depending on past behavior a parent might not want to take legal responsibility for a child, and sometimes it is necessary to protect the greater good of the family by removing a problem child from the household. I would have to disagree with the notion that you can base families on a written agreement with no real legal standing.
ReplyDelete(written by David)
Brittney, my case was one of those instances involving a death in the family. My father's biological father died, so my father's step-father adopted him. I merely brought up adoption as a means of formally legalizing the parental "rights."
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I do agree with David's assertion that you cannot "contract" what is engrained within us already -- unconditional love. However, the problems that occur when it comes to disciplinary measures could be an issue between step-parents and biological parents. How much leverage is the step-parent allowed?
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ReplyDeleteI think that pre-nups are silly and don't say much about the parties involved. I have always viewed the contracts as an easy way out when you don't truly trust the person or people involved. I grew up in a blended family and my step-father, who is not a good guy, adopted my sister and I when I was 12. We were treated differently by him even though he married my mom when I was only 2. I think rather than signing contracts the parents should discuss discipline and rules before getting married. I beleive this is important with every marriage not just those who are blending families. If you and your spouse have totally different views on the issue of children and discipline it will be difficult and confusing to the children involved. Every child deserves to be loved and cared for but every child has a different personality and may require a parent to show that love in a different way. I really think if people took marriage and family more seriously we would have much more stable and well rounded children!
ReplyDelete(Jessica B.)
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ReplyDeleteA Pre-nup??? For parenting? Are you kidding?? That's gonna cause all kinds of legal issues, even if it's already legally binding!
ReplyDeleteI think people took this different then expected. Essentually, this is more of what Jessica was talkign about. This is a document saying that these topics were discussed and agreed upon. This document does not directly have to be rule 1 and rule 2 ect... Has anyone got married lately? The book they give you when you get your marriage license have more infor about divorce then about what makes a strong marriage. Basicly...Wether it is a signed document or a consuling class that must be done, this is an important subject to discuss prior to any marriage, and possibly serious relationship since there is such a high rate of child birth out of wed-lock.
ReplyDeleteI think that if both parties had the same views on parents and agreed on everything then they would be willing to sign that just as they sign the marriage certificate stating vows in marriage...
Parenting vows--- does that sound better then parental pre-nup.
I have a blended family myself.I have a son from a previous relationship and my now boyfriend is a big part of my son's life.We agree on everything when it comes to raising a child when it comes to being taught manners,responsibility,discipline,etc.My family all have their own blended families to where their husband raises their children from previous relationships as their own and have their own children with my sister.They treat them all the same and equal, whether biological child or not.That is how it should be and as parents people should discuss this and agree on how it will be for them and their blended family.I think the prenup might be taking it a little overboard.
ReplyDeleteI like the basic idea of a whole-family discussion...well, at least one between parents. They're 'expected' to be adult about things. I mean, not everything HAS to be sorted out, documented and then stamped by a notary.
ReplyDeleteI think the reason why I felt that it should be more official is because that way you know it got done. Divorce rate is higher now then ever. Do you think that could be help with proof of couseling prior to marriage? just because we all know that these things should be talked about prior to a committed relationship does mean that it happens.
ReplyDeleteExample: Weddings...
Traditionally- Religous or not, when you get married in a church by your precher, father, pastor, whom ever has at least 1 if not more meetings with you privately prior to the wedding (if church going may know them personally) This is a way to evaluate the couple to see if they truely are ready for this commitment and understand what life may be like after the ceremony.
Conventional- People nowadays gets married whenever, wherever, and by whomever they choose. Not having this prior evaluatin may be contributing to the divorce rate. leaving topics like this one over looked
People do not always do what is right or talk about things that need talked about, or worse... people think that they will change the other persons mind about something.
Speaking of conventional weddings... has anyone else heard about this "Married by the midget" that the are doing on MJ morning show?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you guys think about that?
Would anyone have a novelty wedding like that? Has anyone?
Some Novelty weddings such as getting married in vegas by Elvis is so common it can even be consiered the "traditional vegas" wedding.
I think people have taken all the love and trust out of getting married. back in the day we got married because we loved a person and trusted that they would do the right thing for us and our family. it is soo silly to have a piece of paper telling me i cant put my husbands son in time out because of the contract i sighned before we got married. so now when his son slaps the shit out of me what do i do? tell him "umm i cant wait till your dad gets home he is going to get you!" then go whip the blood from my nose and finish dinner?
ReplyDeleteI think that the parental prenuptial agreement is a bunch of crap for alck of a better term. I belive that when two people get married with children that it is one of their first priorities to take care of them. I cant stand unencouraging and selfish parents out there that fail to respect there own children and then they wonder why they grow up to be violent and disrespectful. I think the idea of marriage now-a-days is sooo warped that everyone thinks that divorce just fixes everything. Kids are getting married and having children too fast that they dont even realize what they're getting themselves into. I predict that things will get worse in the future with our youth. I dont believe in having to sign a document saying that you HAVE to take care of a child. Like I stated earlier, it should be the first thing on the list of marital vows.
ReplyDeleteSummer, since we're now on the topic of marriage...You brought up something I'm awfully curious about: counseling before the vows. What purpose does it serve, other than an outside perspective? I married in an Episcopal church and, as tradition requires, had counseling well beforehand. However, it was for naught -- relationships go through massive changes the longer one is with someone. In the case of my marriage, those changes weren't for the better. As a result, I feel that counseling wouldn't do much unless it was continuous.
ReplyDeleteNovelty weddings are SOOOOO Hollywood cliche, but there are people who love it. Whatever floats their boat.
ReplyDeleteWhat ever happened to treat others how you want to be treated, or in this case how you would treat your children. I believe that prenuptial anything is for those who know they are going to mess up and regret a decision made using such an agreement. No marriage, or should I say parenting is ever perfect. Im my opinion I think it is trial and error. If I were a parent in a blended family I would treat my spouses children as if they were my own because if I care less about them, I care less about him.
ReplyDeleteMs. Jennings about the counseling... I feel that you are correct it would be nice to continue it after however by at leasting doing it before it may help weed out some marriages that were doomed from the begining. I am not saying it is the ocmplete answer but hey even if it helps a little bit I think it is worth it. Of course not every marriage is going to work or last forever. I am not a real religious person but like in the movie "Fireproof" marriage is work and as long as you remember who and why your married in the first place and put an effort into it there is a great chance of that relationship surviving. Divorce is the easy way out. It is too easy to get divorce... maybe they should require a counseling prior to dissolving a marriage? My uncle just got divorced a few months ago from his third wife. They did it online for $35. How easy is that?
ReplyDeleteToi... I agree that you should be able to punish your step child and I feeling that you should treat your step child as your own, I completely agree however... the point I was getting at with the whole topic is that not everyone feels that way and wether the agreement is that all children are treated equally or for some parents that feel that they do not want to spouse interferring with the punishment that the topic is discussed and agreed upon prior to marriage.
This all hits pretty home for me... I am in a serious relationship with someone that is not the father of my child. My son is 2 and his dad is not apart of his life (his decission). My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage on many occasions and know that we love each other and would like to spend the rest of our lives together. He has even said that if we got married he would adopt my son however... we have some opposite feelings on child raising and if these do not get resolved I will not stay in the relationship. We have discussed having more children however he feels that he could never really punish Christian (my son). I told him that he could not treat Christian any different then any other kid we raise together.. I explained that it would be unfair and other kids would feel that Christian had special treatment. He feels pretty strongly about it though. He said that he would put him in time out but not spank him. Another thing we disagree on is the punishment of joint kids. He feels that it is OK to spank a child with a belt, he says he got that when he was a kid and he turned out just fine. I disagree. I think if is perfectly fine to spank your child if deserved but only with your hand. When you use your hand you have a great sense of force, with another object you may be hitting a child harder then expected. I was not spanked by a belt growing up and am completely against it.
This issue needs resolved before we move on in our relationship. He feels that when we have kids we can re approach this subject... I feel that if we dont agree about it know then we will not have kids because then that would just lead to fighting and possible divorce. People can just wait until they are in the situation to talk about it.
I come from a blended family. I live with my mom, stepdad, and half sister. My biological dad has a girlfriend and 2 little boys (my half brothers). Of course we are not treated the same, no person is. I don't think there should be any kind of legal papers involving how to discipline and raise children, since this should already be something to discuss. In my house my mom and stepdad both agree on what rules are to be followed. That's how it should be. Both parents need to agree on how to raise their children. Because no matter if the child is theirs or not, they are still raising them. When it comes to spanking the child this is an issue that NEEDS to be discussed. Some parents don't agree with spanking a child while the stepparent or vice versa does. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
ReplyDeletesummer... i think its great that you and your boyfriend talk about the future because a lot of people get so wraped up in their own feelings and leave out the kids. skyla ( my daughter)is 2 also her father is in her life but due to the way he treated me for 9 years of what some people called a relationship i made the choice not to be with him and to date other men. he does not like this and wants us to be together i must say im thinking about it but he thinks spare the rod spoil the child, I do not so that is an issue right now and of course my current bf just gives his oppinion on how i should raise skyla.what do you think would be the best way for her father and I to get on the same page?
ReplyDeleteif your a family..your a family. Whoever is rasing you, their your parents. Whoever you are rasing, is your child. Whether if its your family "biologically" or not-- it's your freakin family. I had to get used to that. I have a step dad--with a step sister. I have a step mom with a step broter and half sister. A dad with two half sisters. And my mom with MY sister. It is absolutley and completely "blended"--whatever.
ReplyDeleteOf course there is alot of arguments and different opinions on punishments, but man up and agree. If the child is in your house--they obey your rules.
I have to obey EVERY parent. Whatever household i may be in.
but as far as this pre nup goes...
Like bearP said--if you are signing a pre nup before your married thats like saying your not going to stay married. i think all pre nups are dumb.. but having one for having a say on how to raise your child is rediculous!
No--its dumb. You shouldnt have to have a legal document to say how you are going to raise your children. If your a parent, or a step parent..your in it to be a parent.
koi--- if you guyes want to agree and keep this arguement from rehatching again and again and again then you guys just have to agree and set guidelines. I woke Joey up this morning after thinking and thinking about this situation all night. When I started the conversation i was not sure it is was going to and well or if it was going to be the end of us. I just basically said there are somethings I will not budge on and our views are different. Joey believes that grounding does not work and I do. I proceeded to suggest a "meeting of the middles" I said that if our child ever acts so bad to the point to were he needs more punishment... it can not be done unless we both approve. We talked about the different ways we were raised. I basicly said I plan on my kids knowing what NO means and obeying from the begining. I believe in time out/grounding depending on the age. I believe there are istances where a kids needs a spanking. However force greater then your hand would have to be discussed depending on the situation and nothing more then and action that we both agreed upon could be taken. I explained again that you do know understand until you are in that situation. You say you are going to be a hard ass parent but then you are a big softie. He agreed that I make total sense and still knwo that before we get married this will be talked about again to make sure we both are still on the same page.
ReplyDeleteI wish you luck in your decission whatever it may be... I really hope that if you choose to return to your previous relationship that things have changed and that you are not in the same situation that you were in before. People can change but they have to want it. Good Luck and I wish you happiness
kyn- I have no idea what it is like to be in a blended family. I have friends that were raised in blended families and not all good. I have friends that were beat by their step parent. Ones thaat were kicked out at 18 due to step parent issues. You kids should always come first in a marriage. That is my personal opinion. I think alot feel that way but many dont. My father for instance. He is a great dad and he was always there for us but I remember once when I was pretty young hearing my parents agrue about something that my mom said that she would choose us kids over him and loves us more because we are her children and he said that he loved her more and would choose her over us because he married her and we came after that. That is something that has stuck with me for over 20 years. I will never forget that.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever pull the whole "you are not my parent" act? How was that taken. Were you treated fairly but all parents? Was your punishment equal to your siblings?
Pre-nups would be dumb if everyone did stay together forever... however over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I hope that when I do marry that it will be forever. I would rather have a parental pre-nup then a financial one because my child is worth more to me then any amount of money or property.
I simply think only the biological parents have the right to tell their own children what to do and how to raise it. However, if every problems solve by understanding and love between memebers of the family then it should be no big deal
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Kelly, but i do understand that there are families out there that are broken beyound repair....What if where is a parent that is not stepping up to there parential duties?? that child is going to still need takeing care of....I see it and if someone else is man or women enough to take care of someone elses duties as a parent they are the ones that desirve the benifits of being a parent...when children are envolved we set aside the I's because it is no longer about you....
ReplyDeletecharles.
ReplyDeleteno child is treated equal biological or not weather or not there is a legal document i dont think it will matter or make a differance
I personally think that this is a silly topic. The prospect that something like this would come into being is extremely unlikely. Also, just because a family is blended does not mean that there will be any less love in that house hold.
ReplyDelete